Someone plz proof read my essay! 10 Point!?

In 2006 my first trip to China. There wasn't much stories about me and my fiancee because during that time I didn't know her very well. A week before I left China. I started to call some of my friends out for party and I wanted them to bring some other female friends. In that party my fiancee wasn't the brightest one, so I didn't pay much attention on her. Few days later, I met her again in my village and she smiled to me. At that time I didn't realize that she was one of girl in the party, but anyway we had a very short conversation.After I came to the USA, one time I was looking at my sister's photo album. I found a very old picture and in that picture I found a girl who look very familiar, so I decided to ask my sister. She told me little bit about her, and I wasn't sure that if she was the one I met. My sister gave me her QQ number, then we started chatting online. At the beginning we didn't have much conversations. Few week before I decided to have another trip to China. I asked her if she want to hang out with me when I go to China, her answer to me was "Why not". My second trip to China in 2008. Few days later, I gave her a call and ask her out for a lunch. I brought her to KFC locate at ChangLe city. At first, I was trying to find a girl to hang out and have so fun, but after spending few day with her. I found that she is little bit different than the other girls. So I decided to date her. July, 20 2008, it was the first day of our relationship started. We went to XiaSha beach without our swimming suit. It was our first day, so we weren't prepare. We stayed there and enjoyed the pretty sunset. July, 25 2008, it was my birthday. I celebrate my birthday just with her. This time I brought her to a fansy restaurant call GuiZu. Few days after my birthday, we had a trip to Wu Yi Shang. We spent few days there and had a lot of fun. I found that she is patient, sweet, perseverance, and good temper, and she is the type of girl i prefer. Gradually, I realized that this relationship was so important to me, but I couldn't explain those kind of feeling. At that moment I just wanted to stay with her. August, 1 2008, I asked her if she want to get engage with me, but her answer to me was "do you think, our relationship is going to last forver"? but I told her not to worry, I had faith that I could take care everything. I did many things to proof myself that, I'm a trustworthy man. I called my parents asked them to support me. My parents was little doubtful at the beginning, but they respect my decision. Everything I did that really insipre her heart and change her decision. August 6, She finally said "Yes" to me.



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7 Responses to “Someone plz proof read my essay! 10 Point!?”

  1. hex says:

    thank you so much! Report Abuse

  2. EDD-NET says:

    In 2006 I had my first trip to China. There arn’t many stories about me and my fiancee because during that time I didn’t know her very well. A week before I left China, I started to call some of my friends out for a party and I wanted them to bring some other female friends. In that party my fiancee wasn’t the brightest one, so I didn’t pay much attention on her. Few days later, I saw in my village and she smiled to me. At that time I didn’t realize that she was one of girls at the party .We had a short converstaion.After I came back to the USA, I was looking at my sister’s photo album,and I found a very old picture. In that picture I found a girl who looked very familiar, so I decided to ask my sister. She told me little bit about her, but I wasn’t sure that if she was the one I met. My sister gave me the girl’s QQ number, then we started chatting online. In the beginning ,we didn’t have much totalk about. Few week before I decided to have another trip to China. I asked her if she wanted to hang out with me when i went to China, her answer to me was “Why not”. My second trip to China in 2008. Few days later, I gave her a call and ask her out for a lunch. I brought her to KFC at ChangLe city. At first, I was trying to find a girl to hang out and have some fun, but after spending few day with her, I found that she was a little bit different than the other girls. I decided to date her. July, 20 2008, was the day of our relationship started. We went to XiaSha beach without our swimming suit. It was our first day, so we weren’t prepared. We stayed there and enjoyed the beautiful sunset. July, 25 2008, was my birthday. I celebrate my birthday just with her. This time I brought her to a fansy restaurant call GuiZu. Few days after my birthday, we had a trip to Wu Yi Shang. We spent few days there and had a lot of fun. I found that she is patient, sweet, perseverance ridden, and good tempered, and was she is the type of girl i prefered. Gradually, I realized that this relationship was so important to me, but I couldn’t explain those kind of feelings. At that moment I just wanted to stay with her. August, 1 2008, I asked her if she want to get engaged with me, her answer to me was “do you think, our relationship is going to last forver”? . I told her not to worry, I had faith that I could take care everything. I did many things to proof myself , a trustworthy man. I called my parents asked them to support me. My parents was little doubtful at the beginning, but they respect my decision. Everything I did that really insipred her to change her decision. August 6, She finally said “Yes” to me.

  3. boronic says:

    I just read the first paragraph and there are a lot of problems in that area alone. Go through and re-read it slowly and by taking everything into context.Then go through and mark everything that needs to be fixed. There should be a lot of marks on your paper.

  4. antizymotic says:

    Your sentences aren’t full sentences…try this: When I went to China for the first time in 2006, my fiancee and I hardly knew each other. One week before leaving China I asked a few friends to bring some ladies over to the party we were attending. I didn’t interact with my to-be fiancee that night; however the next day I saw her in my village and she smiled at me. (Don’t say she wasn’t the smartest in the group unless you don’t want a fiancee!). We talked a little but it wasn’t until I came back to the US that I began to gain interest in her. I was looking through a photo album and found a picture of someone that looked very familiar but I couldn’t place where from. I asked my sister and she gave me the girl’s QQ number so we started chatting online. A couple years later I was planning a trip to China again and I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she replied, “Why not?” A few days after I landed I took her out for lunch at KFC in ChangLe city. I was only looking for a fun girl to hang out with but after spending a few days with her I couldn’t help but realize she was different from most. We began dating on July 20 and on our first date we went skinny dipping (naked swimming) at XiaSha beach, and later watched the sun go down. My birthday was on the 25th and we celebrated it just the two of us at a fancy restaurant called GuiZu. A few days later we took a trip to WuYi Shang and we had lots of fun. I realized that she is very patient, sweet, persevering, good tempered, and the type of girl I prefer. I didn’t know how to explain it but gradually I realized how important this relationship was to me. On August 1rst 2008 I proposed (asked to marry) to her, but surprising her reply was, “Do you think our relationship is going to last forever?” I told her not to worry and that I had faith that I could take care of everything. I was determined to prove myself and that I am a trustworthy man. I called my parents and asked them to support me and at first they were a little doubtful but they respected my decision. Everything I did really inspired her and changed her decision. On August 6th she finally said “Yes”!good luck

  5. chung-ch says:

    If you’re looking for a place to get your essays proof read, corrected or re-written in style that sounds good, check out http://www.englishlessonsathome.com The guy there is an English teacher, and he’ll make your essay sound well good.

  6. caves says:

    mmmmmm…….the biggining n d propagation of the story is pretty gud……but the ending was not up to expectations………i wud rather say ….yu’d better mek a change in d ending..so it ‘ll b much better…….BEST WISHES.

  7. universality says:

    Too long… I could not read it… (*o*)