Is this a good college essay and can someone proofread it?

needs to be 250 words and ive been struggling doing that as wellTennis, a passion and major priority of mine, is a sport that can be considered a life journey towards excellence. It is a sport where in one point one can feel on top of the world because of the manner in which he controlled the point and his opponent. The tables can turn in a matter of seconds when one enters the next point and is overpowered and embarrassed by the opposing player Because the tables can turn very quickly in tennis, it instills a drive and fixation to not only overcome, but to dominate adversity. My infatuation for the sport started when I was just four years old and only grew as I learned more about the game. The kick serve, the sliced drop shot, and the running speed angle shot are, amongst others, the skills that I have developed on the court. My ability to execute these shots has opened doors to countless opportunities. Through the world of tennis, I have met coaches and friends that have mentored me during major turning points in my life. One of the most memorable was the five years that I spent at IMG Academies, an elite tennis academy where many of the world’s top tennis players train. During this period, waking up at four o’clock to get an extra two hours of practice before school was a daily routine. After school the rigorous and exhausting training really started and often I returned home by seven, even eight o’clock. Experiences like these have taught me many lessons. One of which is to never take anything for granted and to make full use of the opportunities life gives you. Tennis has played a major role in shaping the person I am today.

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3 Responses to “Is this a good college essay and can someone proofread it?”

  1. apheresis says:

    Oh god I want to vomit every time I hear someone say the word amongst. It does not make you seem smarter; use among. Also, this is very short. Unless there is a limit to the number of words you can use, make it longer by going into more detail. Your sentence structure is good, you just need to expand your thoughts. Also, if this is a college essay, you may want to mention college at least once. You talk about a specific example in the last paragraph of using your time wisely, but do that in the second paragraph as well. Great start, hope this helped. Answer mine please: [external link] ;…

  2. resumes says:

    Dig deeper. You gotta rework the whole focus of your essay.Pick a point, as opposed to just describing the sport in your life.Perhaps elaborate on HOW it played a major role in shaping you.Give specific instances, maybe specific games or moments, where you had a revelation.Because as of right now, this sounds like the generic, sports, college application essay, garunteed to blend into the masses.

  3. bnrunix says:

    I’ve certainly seen–and graded–far worse. You do use a lot of passive voice, though. “Is” and “was” are fine in limited doses. Just don’t rely on them so much to do the heavy lifting.Also, I’m not certain that a turning point can last for five full years. Either reword that sentence or focus on a particular instance that stands for the impace IMG academy had on you.The middle paragraph is also a little wanting. I would drop it and work elements into the next paragraph. You could start it like this: “Although my love of tennis began at age four, only after enrolling in IMG Academies did it truly change my life.” From there you could expand on the discipline instilled by the rigorous training schedule…and touch not only on how it improved your game but also how it impacted your worldview and approach to other tasks.The key, I think, to writing about sports to an audience that may not be so involved in such activities as you are is to emphasize that it is NOT just a game or a physical activity. It is a mental process of discipline, concentration, and observation of both yourself and your opponent. That is where you can get to the point of describing how tennis “has played a major role in shaping the person I am today.”Once you rework that paragraph, go back to your first one and make sure it introduces what you actually want to say. Right now, your introduction looks like you were fumbling toward your subject. Writing the introduction last, however, makes the entire essay much tighter.So…like I said: I’ve seen and graded worse…but your ideas are sound. Just tighten some parts and expand others (like a key moment at IMG).Good luck. I hope these comments help.