How is this for the opening to my novel?!?!?

Chapter 1 "But I love you babe""Then why were you with Amanda last night?" I could hear their argument from down the hall. I couldn’t see Hanna’s face, but I could hear the hurt in her voice. Josh is such a jackass, he says he loves you then goes and spends the night with some girl. I just wanted to go and give Josh a piece of my mind, but I knew Hanna wouldn’t want that. She was always the good girl of our friendship. Josh was now running his fingers through her long, blonde hair. She immediately pushed his hand away. I could tell he was trying to use his "Josh charm" on her, but it wasn’t working. Luckily Hanna was smart, unlike all of the other girls, she knew what was good for her, and Josh obviously wasn’t. I don’t know why the hell she even started dating him. Hanna and I have been best friends since we were in diapers. We are inseparable. I noticed that their fight was getting worse and decided to go down their. But before I could take a step forward Hanna was already running back toward me. I could see tear streaming down her face, as she ran she tried to hide them. She didn’t want anyone to see her cry. She ran right into the girl’s bathroom and I instantly followed. "Hanna, are you alright?" I asked in my most sincere tone."Ya I just, I just," she couldn’t finish because she started crying again. I hated seeing Hanna hurt and I would kick anyone’s *** if they hurt her. Josh was going to get it when I was finished helping Hanna. I went up to Hanna to try to give her a hug but instead she turned away from me."Aria, I know you’re trying to help, but can you just go away," she said it in the most kind/sad way she could. I knew she wanted to be alone but I couldn’t leave, not yet. I sat down by her for awhile. I don’t know how long we sat there, but it was a long time. She didn’t talk at all on the way back to the dorm, which was all the way across campus. It was dark out side, which wasn’t a very good sign; it means we were in that bathroom for about an hour or hour and a half. When we got back to our dorm Hanna went straight to bed, while I stayed up on the computer for awhile. I had gotten 2 new emails, 1 from mom and dad telling me how much they missed me, blah blah blah, and 1 from my English teacher about my essay. I surfed the web a little more before I decided to go to bed.When I woke up Hanna was still asleep. I quickly got up and hopped right in the shower. I shampooed my long, dark brown hair, and washed my tan body. After the shower I got ready for school, I put on short shorts, and a purple tank top. This outfit always made my ice blue eyes shine. After I was ready Hanna still wasn’t up. I decided that I wouldn’t wake her and went out to the lounge. I just made it out the door when I saw Jace coming down the hallway, Jace was my best "boyfriend". "Hey Jace," I spoke kindly."Hey Aria, what’s up?" he always had a sexy voice, but this morning it sounded sexier then ever."Oh nothing really, just going to the lounge to get a latte""Sound’s…. fun""Ya, real fun. So what are you doing?""Oh going to give these papers to Chelsea, Ms. Mark told me to," he gave me a half smile with his pearly white teething showing."Well have fun with that," I said as a starting walking to the lounge again."I will," he shouted from almost the other end of the hall.



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2 Responses to “How is this for the opening to my novel?!?!?”

  1. sacatra says:

    Good beginning, just keep working on it. Some parts don’t fit right now. For instance if they’re arguing down the hall, how does Aria know he’s running hands through her hair? It would also be ‘decided to go down there’ not their.No need to state the obvious:’She didn’t want anyone to see her cry.’ Edit it out. Also, wouldn’t Aria be affected by her best friend telling her to go away? Add more there. It could use some detail. This scene would be much better with some dialogue. That would show their relationship.When she checks her email it comes to a screeching halt. Why is this important? The dialogue with Jace is all right, but there could be some more tension between them.All in all, not bad, just keep working on it. Good luck.

  2. flowmeter says:

    This is a very nice intro