Do you think this is a good essay and is very descriptive. Is there anything that you would change.?

North Carolina is a glamorous stateImagine a place that has huge mountains, pine trees, and crystal clear lakes that just take your breath away, and this place is North Carolina. When I visited North Carolina a year ago, I was astonished by how much scenery and attractions North Carolina had to offer me. The reasons why North Carolina is such a fascinating place to visit is it has beautiful scenery, awesome attractions, and other good places to go and see.To start off with, one reason why North Carolina is such gorgeous place to visit is because of its scenery. North Carolina has probably the tallest mountains that you could ever see; an example of one would be the Appalachian Mountains. The Application Mountains has many mountain ranges in North Carolina such as the Great Smokey Mountains, Black Mountains, and the Blue Ridge mountains. These green colored mountain ranges contain hill tops, huge trees, and crystal lakes. There are green hill tops that surround a mountain range they have a low peak and a high peak, these hill look like a slope going up and down. Some hills are smaller than others. The hill tops are across from each other and at the tail end of each hill is connected. There are also huge green pine trees which rest on the hills and there are about 2,000 or trees total. There are also crystal clear lakes that surround the mountain. Blue Ridge parkway is a mountain that has many colorful pine trees such as orange, red, and green. Blue Ridge Park also has walking trails were you can walk through them or drive through them. Blue Ridge Park also has a lake the swirls around the mountain. The scenery of North Carolina shows the true beauty of the state.Subsequently, another reason why North Carolina is such a dazzling place to visit is its attractions. One attraction that is a must see in North Carolina is Chimney Rock State Park. At Chimney Rock State Park, you take an elevator ride up on the top of the mountain called Chimney Rock, and you get to walk around on the top of the mountain. Chimney rock is 315 feet from the ground. Chimney rock looks like a huge tan boulder rock on the bottom and on the top of the first rock is a tan boulder rock but with a narrow tail. On the tail of the top rock is a light brown stair case that is used for you to get on top of the mountain. On the north end of the top rock is the American flag standing up. Down below both rocks are green pine trees, a few gorges, and some green hill tops. On the east end right below the rock is a crystal lake. North Carolina also has a neat attraction called Hickory Nut Falls. Hickory Nut Falls is probably one of the largest waterfalls in the United States and it is absolutely spectacular to go and see. Hickory Nut falls is 404 feet from the ground. Hickory Nut Falls looks like three brown bolder rocks stacked up together. All around Hickory Nut Falls there are some green pine trees. From the top to the bottom of the waterfall there is white water that is flowing straight from the top to the bottom. On the bottom of the waterfall there is a pond filled with water that came from the water fall and under the water there are small rocks. Attractions are what make North Carolina a unique state.As a final point, North Carolina is a lovely place to visit because it has many other places to go and see. One place is in Ashville, North Carolina, which is an old historic hotel where I stayed (in their) one night. It is a hotel that Abraham Lincoln would have stayed in. In the hotel it had old wood desks, small bedrooms, and a lobby with old historic chairs, tables, and pictures. Another place is Lake Lure. Lake Lure is a nice big lake where you can take a pontoon boat out into the lake and you get to go around the whole lake and you also see a mountain that surrounds it. There are also many good restaurants that serve good food such as hamburgers, steak, and other types of food.To sum up, North Carolina is a gorgeous place that will make you never want to leave. North Carolina has breathtaking scenery, attractions, and many other places that are just worth seeing. So pack up your bags and go visit the beautiful state of North Carolina.

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One Response to “Do you think this is a good essay and is very descriptive. Is there anything that you would change.?”

  1. asilidae says:

    At this point, start a NEW paragraph about Hickory Nut Falls.Delete the sentence that starts out North Carolina also has a neat attraction…Combine the next two sentences about the height of HNF and how it looks.Delete the word ‘some’ in the next sentence about the pine trees.The sentence that begins “From the top to the bottom…” should read “White water flows straight…” then combine that sentence with the next with the conjunction ‘and’ then delete the phrase ‘on the bottom of the waterfall’pp4 – Delete the opening phrase “As a final point”, so you just start with “North Carolina”Move the rest of this paragraph above, making it the new fourth paragraph. It falls in more logically with ‘attractions’ than a final point.Delete the parentheses with the words “in their”. Not only is it completely unnecessary, you used the wrong their. A good rule for understanding the Their, There, They’re homonyms is to remove the T’s, and see what is left of the word. With Their, the rest of the word is ‘heir’ which is usually another person – so their is used for things belonging to other people. With There, the rest of the word is ‘here’, so you know that one is for places. With They’re, you know it’s a contraction for they are, so you can only use that one where those words would fit. But I digress.So, now you have your lonely sentence “North Carolina is a lovely place to visit because it has many places to go and see” (yes, delete the word ‘other’). Use that phrase as the beginning of your fabulous last paragraph.As it stands I would give this essay a 7 out of 10. Frankly, it seems like you used your thesaurus a lot, and got too descriptive trying to point out detail, and not descriptive enough about the general feel of the state. Also your writing is a little choppy. But you did make me want to visit. If you make the suggested changes, you could probably pull a B.