Can you tell me ways i can improve my essay.?

This is the start of an english folio piece...I am aware that i am not exactly a talented writer. Basicially the story is about a boy who accidently kills his girlfriend. Can you give me some advice on how i can improve my story and possible ideas for a plot.The noise was what made him turn around. It felt like the world had stopped. It was as though his surroundings were nonexistent. His eyes were fixed on Zara. He looked down in utter disbelief. Catching his breath he stumbled over to her, kneeling on the ground beside her. A small trickle of blood made its way down her forehead. Her face was frozen with a startled expression. She was dead...............Wednesday - 1:30 amGlancing at his watch he carefully crept along the hallway, taking extra care as even the slightest creak of a floorboard was enough to wake them. This process no longer filled him with a sense of excitement. It was becoming more and more like routine."B there in 20 mins x"He texted quickly, before closing the door behind him and walking into the darkness. The weather was cold with a bitter breeze. He pulled his jacket tighter around him. The streets were silent. He could feel his footsteps echo as he walked down the lane towards the country road. The only light to be seen was a faint glow from distant street lights.



Similar Asks:

  • Is this a good suspense essay type thing for school? - Here it is, I’m in 8th grade, so it’s nothing fancy.”Mom, I’m going to be fine, it’s just down the street! Jeez!” I slam the door and look into the darkness that hushed the world. As I start walking, I open and close my eyes to see which is darker. Besides the streetlights circles every
  • Blacksmiths, report, outline,? - Im suposed to write an essay around 250 words on Blacksmith in the renisance day.Could someone tell me how to start it like. Intor about the renisance quickly going into blacksmith, then where? Im really bad at summarizing it up. Im thinking of maybe having it go like: What the blacksmith made, saying what they
  • How do you write an speculative essay? - I need to know how to write a speculative essay. Would the story be in first person or as a narrator. How would you write a speculative about the topic- You are walking on the beach and you find a bottle with a picture inside of what seem to be two dangling feet. What is
  • Please help ! I NEED closing sentences for my essay !? - I’m writing an essay on teenage alcohol drinking. I got the assertions, research, works cited and everything covered except for the closing sentences for each paragraph that would go with my assertion. Since my essay includes strong and professional facts and evidence, the closing sentence cannot be something like, “as the result”. I’m looking for
  • Does God pay too much attention to the small things? (Philosophy)? - I’m doing a philosophy thing (not a proper essay) on whether or not God (assuming there is one) pays too much attention to the little things of people’s lives, such as clothing, what they eat etc. The guy the thing’s based around said that he doesn’t want God to care about whether or not he
  • I need help writing an essay for one of my college applications!? - The question was : how has you family’s culture, history, or environment influenced who you are…so far I just have an introduction. I’m not really sure on how to expand this… some background info: I am hispanic, from Panamahere’s my intro:It was hard to choose a single memory to descride how my family has made
  • I need help writing an essay for one of my college applications!? - The question was : how has you family’s culture, history, or environment influenced who you are…so far I just have an introduction. I’m not really sure on how to expand this… some background info: I am hispanic, from Panamahere’s my intro:It was hard to choose a single memory to descride how my family has made




Both comments and pings are currently closed.

One Response to “Can you tell me ways i can improve my essay.?”

  1. hatchings says:

    The noise made him turn around. As he did so he realized that the world, at least as he knew it, had stopped. The familiar surroundings were surreal. Slowly, his attention was drawn to Zara. In utter disbelief he took at the horrific picture as it burned into his very core. Kneeling beside her, he felt her neck for the hoped-for pulse but quickly realized that her heart would never beat again. A small trickle of blood made its way past her scalp-line and foraged down the wrinkles in her face. The frozen expression on her face revealed surprise and horror simultaneously. Wednesday – 1:30 a.m.As he crept along the hallway, he glanced at the face of his watch in the event that he later needed an alibi. His steps were sure and yet slow, lest he awaken anyone with the dreaded creaking of the floorboards. Suddenly, he felt the need to scream in horror, to communicate, to somehow reach out to someone, anyone at all. He felt for his cell phone felt and was reassured for a brief moment as he discovered it on his belt. “B there in 20 Min’s X” Quickly and efficiently he sent the text message to his intended target. Afterward, he continued to creep in the darkness while closing doors behind him as he traveled. Outside, the wind continued to protest as the bitter cold wrapped the home in its icy grip. He shivered, not from the cold mind you, but from a full realization of the fear about what he was a part of, the death that had transpired just moments before. As he stepped outside, he pulled his jacket more tightly around him. He was not dressed for the cold, but he had never intended to be outside after all… not until that terrible thing happened that would change his life and his mind forever. He had never felt more lonely. The faint glow of the distant lights which, normally would be a source of comfort, only served as possible reflections of the possibility that someone home there would see him as he rushed away from the scene. How could he explain to anyone that Zara had fallen off of his back while he was playfully carrying her about the room? Who would believe that she had struck her head on the mantle and had gone silent when only yesterday they were seen arguing bitterly in front of her friends over his alleged unfaithfulness? Who would believe that they had made up and were only frolicking when the terrible accident happened? His life, as he knew it, was over. What could he do? What could anyone do?The sudden tap on his shoulder brought him back to reality as his English teacher continued the description of the fiction assignment that would be due the following Monday which would have to follow the guidelines of Edgar Allan Poe. Following that was a stern warning from the instructor about the ills of day-dreaming….